The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side

We are finding this to be true as we transition back and forth....and back and forth....and back and forth. The grass always seems greener on the other side. And once you move to the other side, the green-ness fades and once again.....the OTHER side looks greener again!

After waiting for four years to come back to America, I became convinced that the US of A was the the answer to all my problems. Over time, I had built it up to near perfection. Go back and read the first few posts of our life back here - I was writing euphoric entries, singing the praises of manicured lawns and pizza delivery. At that point, all I could see were the pros of America and the cons of Kenya.

Fast forward 5 months and the negative things that used to frustrate me about Kenya have faded a bit. The traffic jams in Nairobi, the never-ending pace of life during the school term, the fact that everyone knows everything about everyone in our close-knit community.... All of a sudden all I can remember are the crisp morning runs on the edge of the Rift Valley, having students into our home and eating and laughing together, our sweet Kenyan friends and their smiles.....Amazing how a few months can change one's perspective!

And fast forward 5 months in America? The McDonald's burgers that used to taste so yummy? Now all I can think about are the calories. The endless days of summer are now replaced by the short, cold and dark days of winter. The newness has worn off and the realization has hit: If I am not happy right now, right here, I will never be happy.

Isn't that what it boils down to? Contentment in the here and now. In the midst of a messy kitchen. In the midst of a blustery winter day. In the midst of the mundane. If I am not happy now, I never will be. Where does my joy come from - outward circumstances or true inner joy that only the Lord can give?

I am trying to embrace each day for the gift it holds. Enjoying my American days here and someday I will enjoy those Kenyan days again - and fully embrace them - the good AND the bad.

Reflecting on Tragedy

Our hearts are so heavy as we continue to process the Sandy Hook Elementary Tragedy. There are hardly words for something so horrific....and so close to home. To be a parent of young children, living in a small town, sending my children to a good school.....I can so easily put myself in the shoes of these devastated parents. And yet I can't even begin to imagine their grief and loss. There are photos, stories, opinions and blogs swirling around the web right now and I am going to choose one to share here today that really touched my heart. She put into words what I cannot, so go ahead and read for yourself:

A Day for Hatred

What we are Learning

One of our goals for our year in the US was to re-charge our batteries and plug into resources to strengthen our marriage and family. The Lord has been very gracious to us, going above and beyond what we expected. We have had the privilege of really soaking up wonderful teaching from our church, plugging into Bible Studies and meetings with our pastoral staff, and reading great books. We also had the privilege of attending a 5 day spiritual retreat, sponsored by  Quiet Place Ministries, an organization that ministers to pastors and missionaries. We are still learning as we go what it means to truly rest in the Lord. Here are some things the Lord has been teaching us:

• Gratitude is so important. In the midst of hardship, we can choose to grumble and complain....or we can choose gratitude. Gratitude points us towards Christ - a much better choice than grumbling and focusing inwards at ourselves. Francis Schaeffer says, "When I lack proper contentment, either I have forgotten that God is God, or I have ceased to be submissive to Him. A quiet disposition and a heart giving thanks at any given moment is the real test of the extent to which we love God at the moment." 
• God's Math doesn't make sense. We don't know how or why - but at the end of every month we can look back and attest that God has not only provided for our needs, but has gone above and beyond in His graciousness to our family.
• Sometimes you just need to rest and let go. Coming from a pace of life that is intense and trying to pull away from a tendency to "do everything for everyone," we are trying to learn to find our security and significance in Christ and His love for us. It is hard sometimes, but good.
• There is truly power in prayer. Prayer is not just coming before the throne of God, making requests, but it begins to align our desires with what God has in mind for us.
• God is so much bigger and has so much more in store for us than we can ask or imagine. We are trying to pray with our hands wide open, knowing that God's plans for us are good, maybe even better than what we have in mind.

We are truly thankful this month.