Fitting In

We are only a few weeks away from leaving Kenya and returning back to the states, so I thought this would be a good time to clean out my office.  In doing so I found this little booklet entitled “MISSIONARY (re)-ORIENTATION MANUAL: (For missionaries who haven’t been home in a while.)” -by Jay Altemus (former missionary in Kijabe, Kenya). Naturally I figured “I fit that category, I want to at least look like I fit in.  I’ll check it out.”  Here are some of the more helpful tips it included.  

(Some may make more sense to you if you’ve lived/visited overseas.)

When traveling back home, REMEMBER,....

• Mosquitoes are no longer a threat to your health.

• The phrase, “the students are having a riot”... probably means they’re just have a good time.

• When riding together in a van, resist the temptation to refer to your spouse as “the tout”.

• When you get home from the grocery store,... the milk and eggs go in the refrigerator not the cabinet!

• You’ll have to relearn english:  Torch vs. torch.  Chips vs. chips

• Restrooms will have toilet paper provided... in the stalls.  They will also have seats.

• Not everyone driving a Land Rover is a missionary.

• The newspaper will be delivered to your door,  just not your car door.

• Dinner by candle light will be inspired by romance,.... not by power rationing!

• Accidentally turning on the windscreen wipers instead of the turn signal will be a frequent source of embarrassment.  Just wave and try to act natural. (The same thing goes when you find yourself accidentally sitting being the drivers wheel of a friends car.)

• It will not be necessary to hoard coins so you have the correct change next time you go shopping.  When you do get change back it will be currency not candy.

• Resist the urge to ask around for “someone who could deliver a package.”

• You will have to pump your own gas.

• Driving tests do not include the “Hotwheels® test drive” portion.

• The grocery store clerk will not barter with you.

• You will not find the current president on any currency.

• Bleach is most commonly used to remove stains from clothing, not for soaking fruits and vegetables.

• No matter if it’s brown or yellow...flush it!

Great advice.  Thanks Jay.